Zero Gets an XBox
by Asuya
Summary: Just what the title implies. Zero gets an XBox for his general entertainment. Slight ZeroX.


_A/N: I had wanted to post this up for a while now, even though I wrote this two years ago, almost, but I've only just gotten around to it recently. There is a non-yaoi version to this which I was going to post up instead, but the server that hosted it crashed, and so it remains stranded on my isolated computer. Which means you guys get the yaoi version._

**Zero Gets an XBox**

Zero sat lounging around on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, basking in the small beam of sunlight that trickled into the room, and glaring at the imposing stack of paperwork that threatened to spill over the side of the desk. In short, just another typical day in Zero's life. 

The thought of getting up and dragging X out to some random bar again certainly crossed his mind more than a few times, but alas, the Blue Bomber was currently in a meeting with Signas on the different ways to shamelessly advertise themselves to the public, and wouldn't be free until the evening. 

Damn. He had planned on getting X drunk again. The man really was quite hilarious when he was intoxicated with booze. 

Finally Zero pushed himself off the couch dramatically. Enough of this, to hell with typical days! If X wasn't around to be pestered by him, then, hell, he'd just have to find someone else to bug! With that in mind, Zero stalked off randomly down the hall.

* * *

By the time Zero swung himself into Douglas' room uninvited, the Hunter had already received several rejections from would-be victims. Normally he would've avoided Douglas, as he generally regarded the man as a dork, but this time was an exception that called for drastic measures. 

And, besides: punching Douglas' face in was always good for a laugh. 

"Heeeeeey, Douggie!" Zero exclaimed, deliberately using the nickname that the Hunters had dubbed him and that he hated. "Whatcha doing, huh Douggie?" 

Instead of receiving a curt reply or better yet a rebuke for even uttering the taboo name (which would've given Zero a perfect excuse to hit him), Douglas simply ignored him and continued staring at the television screen. As Zero approached him, he noticed that Douglas was busy playing away with one of those gaming consoles that they mass marketed. 

"What are you playing, Douglas?" Zero asked. Now that he wasn't using the forbidden alias, Douglas turned his head ever so slightly in Zero's direction. 

"XBox." 

"Eh? That old thing? Didn't they stop making those things way back when, after they discovered that they were psychologically damaging to humans?" 

"They made a new model. It now does five percent less damage." 

"Oooooh." They spent the next minutes in silence as Zero watched Douglas, and Douglas attempted to ignore Zero. After half an hour of watching, Zero made himself comfortable on Douglas's armchair, much to Douglas's annoyance. Finally, he could take it no more. Douglas paused the game, and turned around to Zero. 

"If you find my XBox _that_ interesting, just go get your own!" he yelled exasperatingly. 

Zero blinked a few times at the sudden outburst. Then he hit himself on the head and laughed, "Oh yeah. Why didn't I think of that?" The blond Hunter left the room to pursue his very own new console, leaving Douglas sitting on the floor muttering about the stupidity of the Reploids of today.

* * *

Zero sat slumped over the keyboard, gaping at the screen while occasionally moving the mouse or looking down to type. Pushed over to one side was the pile of paperwork, leaning dangerously over the edge of the desk. There was a sticky note on the top, reading in big bold marker letters, "**DUE MONDAY BY 4 P.M.**" but Zero really didn't pay attention to it, much less actually start on the paperwork. Besides, today was Wednesday. Signas could afford to wait a bit longer. 

Vaguely Zero wondered where the hell X was. If Signas was keeping his best friend in another one of his pointless, more-than-two-hour meetings again, then there would be hell to pay. And some more random vandalism on Signas's office furniture. Avenging X would be a mighty fine excuse for carrying out such an act, Zero mused cheerfully. He made a mental note to use that excuse later on. 

Just as he finished contemplating that thought, the door slid open unceremoniously will a loud _bang!_. A familiar voice wafted in. "Zeeeeerooooo…!" 

Zero suppressed a shudder, and cringed. "God, no, not him, anyone but him," he muttered to himself. But yes, it was him. With a energetic extra jump in his step, Dynamo bounded over to Zero and, wrapping his arms around the blond's neck, squeezed him in a death-like hug. With a snarl Zero elbowed the other man forcefully until he toppled over onto the floor. Eck, Zero had never felt so defiled and unclean before. Stupid Dynamo. 

"What are _you_ doing here?" Zero growled. 

Dynamo sighed blissfully. "Why, I'm here to see my favourite Maverick Hunter, of course!" Reaching over, he pinched Zero's cheek and grinned to see the other man shoving his hand aside. Glaring, Zero rubbed his aching cheek. 

"Get out. Now. Before I hurt you." 

The blue-haired Reploid's grin only widened as he checked Zero off slightly to the side. "Oooh, so what are you doing?" 

"None of your damn business." 

"Xbox? Why would you want such a stupid piece of junk..." He trailed off. A wicked glint erupted in Dynamo's eyes suddenly, causing Zero to inch away. "But that's really none of my business, now, is it?" Gleefully Dynamo rubbed his hands, almost cackling to himself. "If you really want an XBox, I could always get one for you." 

Zero's ears perked at this. "From where?" 

"Does it matter? Nothing illegal, though, I can assure you." 

"I don't know..." Here Zero eyed Dynamo suspiciously. Dynamo's sources always seemed to prove to be of the shady kind. "The last time you got something for us, we barely managed to avoid a national crisis." 

"Well, this time, I swear to you that it will do nothing of that kind." 

"... You know your word means absolutely nothing to me?" 

"It doesn't mean anything to me either, but that's not the point." Leaning over maliciously, he continued, "Come on, Zero! You know that an insignificant XBox won't do anybody harm. I promise, I'll get you a nice XBox, and you'll never be bored or unhappy again." And with that, Dynamo waltzed back out of Zero's room, winking at the blond and blowing him a kiss just as the door slid shut at his heels. Several moments passed as Zero attempted to repress another shudder before continuing with his work.

* * *

When one lies on one's bed, it certainly is amusing to watch the ceiling. This Zero thought with the utmost sarcasm. In his opinion, ceilings sucked, lying on the bed staring up at a ceiling that sucked sucked, hell, the whole day was pretty damn crap-ilicious. And where the fuck was X? 

With this frustratingly thought upon, Zero gave a heavy sigh and glared up at the ceiling some more. Damn it was dirty. He was going to have to clean it sometime, lest some of the filth that stuck onto it fell onto his face at night while he slept. On second thought, he would get X to clean it later. He was too lazy to do it himself, anyway. 

Just as Zero was starting to lazily doze off, the door bell buzzed. The noise paused, then buzzed again when Zero made no effort to get the door. Again and again and again, in perfectly timed rhythm, until finally Zero leapt up and stalked over to the door. "Yeah, yeah, keep your boxers on, jerk." 

The door slid open and Zero was suddenly found to be pushed out of the way roughly. He glared for all he was worth at the intruder. Said intruder was too busy lunging a huge box into the room. There were mysterious holes pierced into the side of the box, Zero noted. A smug grin, and Dynamo patted the box proudly. "See? I told you I would get you your XBox. See? It's even labeled on the side, so you know I didn't cheat you!" True to his words, the sides were marked boldly with a giant "**X**". 

Zero waved his hand dismissively at the box. "Dynamo, this isn't what I wanted. I wanted the gaming console, which, for one thing, is barely as big as that." 

"Ah-ah-ah! But see this here is a _special_ XBox." Dynamo wagged his finger in Zero's direction, a big fat smirk on his face. "You'll love it more than any ol' regular XBox, I promise you that." 

"Okay, fine, but why the hell does it have those holes?" The blond demanded angrily, pointing at said holes to further justify his point. "What the fuck are those, air holes? Why would it need air holes?" 

Dynamo coughed into his fist. "Needs to breathe." 

"It's a fucking **machine**, for Christ's sake. And not a machine like you or me. It **doesn't need to breathe**." Sighing, Zero ran a hand through his hair and mumbled to himself about the best ways to maim certain blue-haired Reploids. "Now get out of my room before I feel that now is the best time to maul you." Dynamo didn't need to be told twice. With an overly-dramatic bow, the mercenary bounded away, cackling to himself as he went. 

Moments passed as Zero watched the door, bristling with anger, before turning to face the box the crazy mercenary had deposited on the floor in the center of his room. As he bent over to rip open the box's flap, he continued to mutter and curse under his breath with such vigor, even Dynamo would be envious of his vocabulary. "Stupid fucking Reploid... kill him next time... mumble... asshole... mumble mumble..." Grabbing ahold of a flap, Zero tugged forcefully. 

_RIIIIIIIIIP_! 

Zero stared down in disbelief at the contents inside the box, mouth hanging wide open as X blinked up at him, eyes struggling to adjust to the sudden change in lighting. To Zero's confusion, the smaller man made as if to remove the gag tied around his mouth, but the cords binding him prevented him from doing so. In a daze, Zero bent over and ripped off the gag. X gasped for air for several seconds, then blurted out, "_HOLY SHIT, I'M IN A BAD YAOI FANFICTION!_" 

It was now Zero's turn to blink, which he did faithfully by blinking stupidly a few hundred times. Shortly afterwards a strange feeling overcame him, a feeling that could only be described accurately as "horniness". He didn't know why, or how, this horny feeling came to be, but he suspected it had something to do with the authoress of said bad yaoi fanfiction. But Zero wasn't one to resist against such things, and prompty untied X and carried him off into his bedroom, where he proceeded to shag him six ways 'til Sunday. 


End file.
